“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
I’m not ready to call myself an alcoholic or an addict. My brother and I had lunch on Saturday, and I was catching him up on my life, that I attended my driver’s intervention program a few weeks back, that it was really positive, and that they recommended that I have a drug and alcohol assessment, that I wasn’t surprised by this since I attended the program voluntarily, knowing that I have a drinking problem. When I told him about the assessment he said, “But you’re not an alcoholic”. He was the last person to see me the night of my car crash. He asked me if I was okay to drive then, and of course I was vehement in my response that YES, I AM FINE. DUH. Famous last words. That I don’t even remember saying. But I digress. Today was my first day in my treatment program. The first question my counselor asked me was if I considered myself an alcoholic or an addict.
(hesitation on my part)
Counselor: “Okay, so you’re not there yet”.
I’m hellbent on getting better, on staying sober, but I’m not yet ready to label myself an alcoholic.
That being said, my first day of treatment was a little difficult. The program aligns with AA, and the whole higher power and religious aspect of AA makes me uncomfortable. I’m not an atheist, I like to think there’s something out there, but I just don’t know what it is. So everyone saying the Serenity Prayer together twice over the course of three hours was unsettling to me. This is going to be a long couple of months. Obviously I’m going to do what I have to do here, but I’m looking forward to dealing with my recovery without group prayer. No offense to those who take comfort in those things…it’s just not me.
I got my Big Book today as well, and I need to figure out where/when I will attend AA meetings over the weekend. One day at a time. One day at a time. One day at a time…