My weekend was rather eh, but I did attend my first two AA meetings. It feels really good to be with others like myself, with people who get it. I even went through some of the Big Book on my own later at home (like a Big Girl!).
All week I had been looking forward to hanging out with a friend of mine. I used to do a LOT of drinking with this friend, but we also would have dinner/movie date nights when we never drank. Those have continued since I’ve been sober, though I have pangs of longing when I see via the dreaded Facebook that she is hanging out at “our place”, our Cheers bar. We had plans Saturday for lunch and possibly hiking, but she canceled. Part of the reason she canceled was that she was broke. I know that she dropped a bunch of money on her car that week, but thanks to Facebook I also knew that she was out drinking the night before. I was so angry, because it seems like alcohol still wins even when I’m not drinking.
According to my treatment counselor, I should drop her and all my former drinking buddies. Easier said than done, and I know that you’ve all been there. It sucks. This person in particular, she’s become like a sister to me. It’s hard for me to consider severing ties, especially since we do not drink together anymore when we get together. But I let her canceling on me ruin my day. In fact, the entire day ended up being a comedy of errors. Just one stupid thing happened after another, and soon enough, I was wishing that I could have a frosty pint of IPA or a delicious fall seasonal. Just sit and relax with a beer (which most likely will lead to many more). I ended up stifling the urge later with ice cream. That’s something else I need to work on, but fuck it, ice cream is so much better than undoing everything I’ve worked hard for these past five months.
That next morning I attended my first AA meeting, and was welcomed quite warmly. Sunday morning I attended another meeting, this one at the hospital where I am doing my IOP. It was a huge group, and my IOP counselor was also in attendance. Great beginner’s group. And holy shit, alcoholics are so damned friendly! I’m still not used to random people hugging me or just coming up and introducing themselves. It’s pretty great, and like I mentioned before, it’s great just being with like minded people. Though I squirmed a bit at the end of each meeting when we all held hands and recited The Lord’s Prayer. My best friend gave me a great idea yesterday. She told me to pick Joe Strummer as my higher power! I am a music fanatic, and The Clash are one of my all-time faves. I think St. Joe can handle being my HP, and it will make me smile to think of him watching over me and guiding me down the right path.