222 Days

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222 Days

Anyone else have a sober app on their phone? Mine wished me a happy anniversary this morning, which I found odd. Maybe it really likes the sequence of numbers? 2-2-2, woo! I’m at approximately 7 months and 8 days, and of course it mentioned my seven month anniversary mark last week. Anyhoo, here’s to 222 days of being sober and awkward!

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214 Days

Have you all heard about Alyssa Jo Lommel yet? If not, here’s the story. Hearing about her brings back memories of an incident that happened to me in September 2012. This incident should have ended my not-so-glorious drinking career, but it didn’t. Alyssa is still a youngster, but I really hope that she and her friends will learn from what happened. And of course I am hoping for a complete recovery on her end. Very scary situation. She will be in my thoughts.

I guess I am lucky that my incident happened in September and not December. My core group of drinking buddies (“The Four Musketeers”!) decided to do some pregaming at our regular watering hole prior to another friend’s birthday gathering. Just a drink or two, nothing major. I arrived and had a veggie burger, and a couple pints of a local brewery’s Octoberfest. Then the four of us decided that a shot would be a good idea. And that turned into three shots in ten minutes (and these weren’t wimpy shots). I also have to add that back in June I started taking antidepressants. Since then, I had been blacking out quite easily. Of course that didn’t deter me from my heavy drinking, it just made me an even bigger trainwreck.

So…back to the shots. The four of us soon realized that we were not driving anywhere, and we called a cab to take us to theĀ  restaurant where we were meeting up with the birthday girl and some others. This place has fantastic martinis, so of course we all had to get martinis when we arrived! It was at this place that my memory becomes spotty. I remember drinking a martini or two, and being loud and obnoxious with my buddies. Apparently we decided to go to the bar across the street. I don’t remember going there. I have a flashback of me hoisting one of those giant liters steins of beer and stumbling a bit, but that’s it for the night.

I woke up on a hill in a park that is a couple streets away from my house. It had been raining hard all night, and I was a mess. Mud everywhere, even in my ears. I had been vomiting, of course. I tried to stand up, but I was still so drunk that I could barely get up. At this point, I still didn’t know where I was. I figured it out eventually, and stumbled home. My purse was not on me, so I did not have keys to get into my house. I banged on the door until my boyfriend woke up and let me in. He was frantic, because a) I did not come home the night before and b) I looked like I crawled out of a sewer. He asked me where I had been, what had happened. I had zero recollection of getting to the park. Since my boyfriend thought I had been drugged, he rushed me to the ER. My throat hurt so bad I could barely talk, so x-rays were done. Despite there being no marks on my neck, the nurses were wondering if I had been choked by someone. I remember lying on a hospital bed, shivering uncontrollably, lapsing in and out of consciousness.

Nothing conclusive was found, so I was sent home and spent the next two days in bed horribly ill. My boyfriend called my friends telling them what happened, trying to piece together what happened to me. He also spent the day driving around, trying to retrace my steps looking for my purse. I had been seeing a counselor at this point, and I told her that I was worried about my drinking a few months prior. But I never told her about this night, because I wasn’t ready to stop. I tried valiantly to control my drinking from that point on, but we all know how that went: my car crash, getting life flighted to a hospital seven months ago today. I think I took a month off from drinking after what happened in the park, but I became lonely. I missed my “nights out with the girls”. So I succumbed, and my drinking took off again.

That’s all I’ve got for today. I saw that article, and my heart went out to Alyssa. My situation wasn’t nearly as bad as hers, but still, that could have been me.

212 Days

Life has been crazy busy! I graduated from my IOP last Monday, and now it’s the downward slide into the holidays. Wheeee! I haven’t had time to think about Christmas until this past week. Granted, I do not have kids (my two dogs and three cats will not notice if I’m late getting my gifts bought and wrapped), so I don’t have many people to buy for and it’s not that big of a deal. I prefer to spend time with family and friends over a meal in lieu of gifts, since we all tend to have too much…stuff.

I was thinking about how busy my life has been lately, and how each day is so valuable. Back in my drinking days, I wouldn’t think anything of wasting an entire day due to a nasty hangover. It’s great having these moments of clarity, of being able to look at the old me and know that I’m in a much better place mentally and physically. It’s appalling to look back and see the hundreds of times I spent money only to give myself the flu! That’s what my bad hangovers were like, the flu. Pounding headache, body-aches, being too hot and too cold. However, the worst of it was the vomiting. I would spend an entire day and often into the late evening just throwing up. Not being able to hold down a sip of water, puking far past the point of even having anything to come up. The day after going through one of these super-hangovers was also bad: I’d be completely exhausted and my body would ache even more from the physical exertion of all that retching. I’d often get red dots all over my face and neck from burst capillaries. I tried to cover them up as best I could with makeup, but it’s pretty hard to erase all the evidence.

It’s hard to admit that openly, even though I am writing here anonymously. I was such a hot mess! But it feels good to look back and see what I’ve accomplished these past six months. Who has time for hangovers? Not this girl! I am looking forward to seeing what’s next in my life without feeling like hell, thankyouverymuch.

Onward! (Let holiday craziness commence…)