I’ve been really struggling since Thursday night. It’s personal, and even though this is anonymous I can’t really go into the details here. I feel like everything good keeps getting taken away from me, and I can’t take much else. This is just horrible. The emotional pain is so intense that I cannot eat or sleep. Ironic, as I’ve always been an emotional eater. I want to disappear. I’ve been thinking about alcohol constantly, even though I know I can’t flush nine months down the toilet. I know it will make things worse, but it will temporarily numb this pain.The pain is keeping me from functioning in a general sense, so why not just kill it? Be completely incapacitated?
Have any of you ever had to dump a sponsor? I was worried that her plate was too full to take me on, but knowing that I am (usually) laid back, we thought it would work out. I haven’t seen her since December though, and I don’t talk to her that often. I haven’t even reached out to her this weekend.
I need to breathe.
***Edited to add that I am now feeling a smidge better. Had a good cry with my best friend. Talked to my sponsor, made plans for Tuesday. Calling off sick and taking a mental health day tomorrow. Still trying to breathe my way through this.