325 Days (Gratitude)

After seeing Sherry’s wonderful post yesterday, I was inspired to do a gratitude post of my own. Here goes…

I am grateful for having 325 days sober. A year ago, I wouldn’t have believed that I had it in me to go so long without alcohol. A year ago, I also wouldn’t have believed how difficult and complicated life would become for me in such a short time. I know now that things would be a million times worse for me if alcohol would be involved with all I am currently juggling. It would be akin to playing a game of chicken with Death.

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I am grateful for the use of my left arm. While I sometimes bitch and complain about the stiffness, numbness, occasional swelling and pain flare-ups  (it will take a good two years to be completely recovered), I am so lucky to have the function that I do have.

I am grateful for the giant, raised scar on the inside of my forearm. The scar on the other side of my arm has almost faded completely, but this one is a hypertrophic scar. It’s still large, angry and exaggerated. I’ve been told that it’s “badass!”. At first I couldn’t imagine going sleeveless ever again, and considered taking up my surgeon’s recommendation of having scar excision surgery. However, I am now very fond of my badass scar. It reminds me of my sobriety, what I had to get through to get to this point, that I AM ALIVE. That if it weren’t for my horrendous car accident, I would still be drinking. That I could have, by now, killed myself or others. I love my scar and what it represents.

I am grateful to have such a wonderful support system. After I got out of the hospital last May, I collapsed into my mother’s arms in tears. I was worried that I had disappointed everyone with my actions, that family and friends would look down on me for the accident I caused. She assured me that she was not disappointed in me, and since then, I’ve received nothing but support from my family and friends. It’s amazing.

I am grateful for all of you that read my blog. I know that I am not the most articulate writer, but I’m not here to write the Next Great American Novel. I am here to share my experiences in maintaining my sobriety. To all of you who have stopped by, said hi, offered support, or just followed me, thank you. I am grateful for you all.

While I am woefully underpaid, I am grateful to have a full-time job with excellent medical benefits. Not only that, but my job is currently secure. A couple months ago there were talks of eliminating staff, but it looks like the administration has discovered ways to make up for the current financial deficit without losing anymore staff. Music to my ears!

I am grateful that it is spring. Despite my allergies going batshit crazy this week, I am grateful for the warmer temps and for sunshine. My mood tends to nosedive the longer winter lasts (and I live in a part of the Midwest where winter can last FOR-FUCKING-EVER), so I am overjoyed for the slow emergence of spring.

I am grateful to live in a city with so much green space! I am so close to miles upon miles of towpath, plus rugged hiking trails. Being outdoors is healing for my soul, and I love that it is so easy for me to escape the city and go on a nice long hike with my dog.

I am grateful for my home group on Saturday mornings. While I still haven’t reached out to others as much as I should (still working on that whole shyness thing), I always leave that meeting feeling amazing, even if I was moved to tears by the lead.

I am grateful to be another year older. Last year was the worst year of my life (I judge my years from birthday to birthday not by New Year’s Day to New Year’s Day – what can I say, I’m a weirdo), but I made it. While I am still trying to make my way over some big hurdles, I cannot wait to see what this year will bring me. I made it through last year, which means I can get through pretty much anything life throws at me. I know that there are amazing things in store, and I can’t wait to see what will happen.

Until next time, my friends…

 

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7 thoughts on “325 Days (Gratitude)

  1. Once again…my comment disappeared. Ugh.

    I said…

    What a lovely and inspiring gratitude post! I’ve not seen your scar but your X-ray is definitely bad ass to the MAX!

    Glad you’re still here and glad we’re still sober. And thanks for the shout-out!!!

    Sherry

  2. Yes. Enjoyed this so much.

    I have some internal scars that match your external ones. Some would call me damaged, broken, unstable. I call myself grateful. The aches and pains and scars are reminders — of the shit I did, and of the shit I no longer do.

    I may be a broken girl, but I’m no longer a “stupid girl.” 😉

    Fab post. Congrats on all your growth, Christy

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