Weekends blow by so fast, don’t they? They’re just never long enough…
My weekend was good, lots of catch up time with friends, but little time for me to recharge and have me time. I found out some not-so-great news in regards to my case Thursday, and I am trying to deal with it as best as I can. If the prosecution is unwilling to accept a new plea deal, then it’s looking like I will have a jury trial sometime next month. This will most likely not end well for me. I’m really scared, but I’ve decided to spend this next month going to as many meetings as possible and being as active as possible. Meetings and exercise are tremendously helpful. My head will be in a better place, and hopefully the activity with help with anxiety and stress-induced insomnia. I am also trying not to dwell, as I cannot obsess over something that has not happened yet.
The trick is to keep breathing. 🙂
In the meantime, my emotions are still alllllllll over the place. I’ve never been a big crier, but lately I’m crying at the drop of a hat. The other night I cried at the end of an episode of “Girls“. Really, who does that? Oh! Me, apparently. Last night I was looking for a photo promoting April being Greyhound Adoption Month for my new Facebook cover photo. This lead to me crying over photos of Greyhounds. Not my deceased dog, but you know, just cute greys. What the fuck is going on here? I told my counselor Friday that sometimes I feel really great and strong, and other times I feel like I’m going to disintegrate into a million pieces.
I know, it’s all these feelings swirling around and making themselves known. Feelings that were stuffed and swallowed down for years. Combine that with everything that’s going on in my life, and I am suddenly a hot mess.
No, scratch that. A year ago I was hot mess. Now I’m just…feeling everything. Dealing with life’s hiccups in healthier ways. Crying is good, I’m just not used to the tears making frequent unannounced visits. Makes me think of an episode of Seinfeld…
Until next time, I’m gonna breathe, I’m gonna cry, and I’m gonna get through all this, dammit!