329 Days – The Trick is to Keep Breathing

Weekends blow by so fast, don’t they? They’re just never long enough…

My weekend was good, lots of catch up time with friends, but little time for me to recharge and have me time. I found out some not-so-great news in regards to my case Thursday, and I am trying to deal with it as best as I can. If the prosecution is unwilling to accept a new plea deal, then it’s looking like I will have a jury trial sometime next month. This will most likely not end well for me. I’m really scared, but I’ve decided to spend this next month going to as many meetings as possible and being as active as possible. Meetings and exercise are tremendously helpful. My head will be in a better place, and hopefully the activity with help with anxiety and stress-induced insomnia. I am also trying not to dwell, as I cannot obsess over something that has not happened yet.

The trick is to keep breathing. 🙂

In the meantime, my emotions are still alllllllll over the place. I’ve never been a big crier, but lately I’m crying at the drop of a hat. The other night I cried at the end of an episode of “Girls“. Really, who does that? Oh! Me, apparently. Last night I was looking for a photo promoting April being Greyhound Adoption Month for my new Facebook cover photo. This lead to me crying over photos of Greyhounds. Not my deceased dog, but you know, just cute greys. What the fuck is going on here? I told my counselor Friday that sometimes I feel really great and strong, and other times I feel like I’m going to disintegrate into a million pieces.

I know, it’s all these feelings swirling around and making themselves known. Feelings that were stuffed and swallowed down for years. Combine that with everything that’s going on in my life, and I am suddenly a hot mess.

No, scratch that. A year ago I was hot mess. Now I’m just…feeling everything. Dealing with life’s hiccups in healthier ways. Crying is good, I’m just not used to the tears making frequent unannounced visits. Makes me think of an episode of Seinfeld…

“What is this salty discharge?”

Until next time, I’m gonna breathe, I’m gonna cry, and I’m gonna get through all this, dammit!

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4 thoughts on “329 Days – The Trick is to Keep Breathing

  1. Hi! I’ve been following your blog for some time now, and I have to say it has been really inspiring and of great help to me. I’m on day 97. It’s been a rollercoaster. I have been binge drinking for years, but able to stay sober for longer periods. And then it starts again, because these sober periods have helped me to fool myself to believe that I can handle my drinking. I can’t. Blogs like yours have been encouraging me in my own struggle, I have been able to adopt a new way of looking at myself and my alcoholism thanks to brave people like you. Hang in there. Thanks.

    • Hi Liz! Thank you so much for your comments! And congrats on 97 days – that is fabulous! You know how much I can relate to what you’re saying…for years and years I thought I could control my drinking. I tried periods of sobriety, thinking I could then drink “normally” again. It never works. Things kept getting worse and worse for me. I’m glad that the sober-sphere is helping you to reexamination your own life and habits. We are all here for each other! Stay strong. 🙂

  2. wow, didn’t now what all was going on with your accident…. here is something that i hope helps.. when you cry, you are alive, you are feeling things, all of that you feel are the feelings you were numbing for so long.. i hope you keep it up, its inspiring. I’ve had no formal anouncement or blog post, but I have starting telling people that I don’t drink, and im feeling great, and its soo good to read your blog posts and feel like im on the same journey as you are.. cheers, congrats onfeeling alive!

    • Yeah, I’m facing some scary stuff. I have zero priors, got my first (and only) speeding ticket a few years ago, and I could potentially do 1-5 years in prison. It’s terrifying, but I’m choosing not to dwell. Things have been working out for me in slight and often weird ways, so hopefully I won’t do hard time.

      Yes, that did help, thank you! And that’s great to hear that you are letting others know that you are no longer drinking. YOU CAN DO THIS!

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