360 Days

I’m really emotional today (thanks, hormones!), and while I am feeling good about my fate for the most part, I am still battling uncertainties and stress. The biggie right now is about my job. Still wrestling with my union and HR to see if my job can be saved. I am currently a financial disaster, and if I am gone for six whole months…well, I shouldn’t worry about that yet. I have zero control and it’s out of my hands. Last night I finally fell asleep around 5 am. The worst part was that I almost dozed off while reading (I always read before bed, have done so since childhood) at my normal bedtime. So why in the hell did I toss and turn after putting my Kindle on my nightstand? Ugh. So I was up and about for the next 4+ hours. Going downstairs to read more, returning to bed, going back downstairs to play Words with Friends on my phone, eventually eating a bowl of Panda Puffs and almond milk at 3, getting nagged by the cats (“She’s up so it must be breakfast time!!!”), more reading, back to bed. Now I am feeling a bit…off. Not off, I’m actually an anxious mess today. Might as well own up to it.

I’m also all over the place because Monday marks one year in my sobriety. Sunday is one year since My Accident (yes, it deserves capitalization). My Accident happened just after 10pm. When the clock struck twelve, it was Sunday. Mother’s Day. When I came to that Sunday afternoon in the ICU, once the confusion cleared from my bruised brain, I blurted out, “I ruined Mother’s Day! I’m so sorry.” According to my Mother, that was the best and worst Mother’s Day of her life. I will write more on that next week. If I tap into that part of my memory today, I’ll probably cry for hours. Who’s got time for that on a work day?

Springtime is finally here in Northeast Ohio, and we’ve had some really gorgeous days. I am trying to soak up every second (we are perpetually sun-starved in this part of the country), and hit the trails as often as possible with my boy Cosmo (named after this guy of course), my wonderful 8 year old Rottie/Lab mix. I’m pretty partial, but come on! Is he not the most handsome boy in the world?

Image

Yeah, we walk through cemeteries too. Cosmo and I have both had a really rough winter, what with the neverending cold and snow, and losing his sister Grace Kelly (who is now my blog’s unofficial awkward/derpy mascot). But spring is here, and we’re perking up! Some photos from my recent wanderings:

Image

From a morning hike on my favorite local trail.

Image

Instant mood booster right there! Blue skies and daffodils. Heaven.

Image

More spring sky and blooms.

Image

A sunny, chilly hike in the ledges.

Image

Okay, had to throw in one more of my boy. This is also from my favorite hiking trail (the river always makes for a good trail diversion). I hope everyone is staying strong and having a great day. If you get the chance, go tell Christy how awesome she is on her 3 years of sobriety!

 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “360 Days

  1. Congrats on your sobriety and for putting aside your anxiety by getting out with the dog. That’s one of the ways I help deal with my stress, too, although we’re blessed with more sunshine in Colorado than you probably get in Ohio.

    I have to agree that Cosmo is one beautiful dog. He’s lucky to have you.

    Have a great day.

  2. Cosmo is gorgeous. What beautiful photos!
    Thanks for the sweet mention too.
    You’ve got a lot of stuff going on. It’s ok to be emotional. Just stay in today and try not to worry about tomorrow…
    xoxo

    • Oh, and I encourage you to write about that day. It’s hard and it may make you ill, (my Grace is Gone post did the same), but that’s how you heal.
      That’s also usually the best writing. The stuff that makes you sick to even think about hitting the publish button.

  3. You’re almost there! You, me and Christy are very close in sobriety dates. Groovy to be among two lovely ladies 🙂

    Anyway, as you said, this stuff is out of your control. Doesn’t mean we don’t stress about it at times – I love my late night stress cereal (not so much in hindsight as I step on the scale). It’s hard to do, but doing nothing is about all that there is, in terms of the inner struggle. Continue walking those lovely trails with your beautiful beau (very interesting, but handsome, mix). Be kind to your self and continue doing what you’ve been doing to stay sober 🙂

    Blessings and hugs,
    Paul

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s