367 Days

 

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Being strong, accepting, and trying to make the best of my circumstance and consequences sometimes means I have days weeks like this. No sleep, terrified, overwhelmed, lots of tears. I’m proud of myself, and I’m doing the best I can. I need to center my thoughts and stop fixating on the unknown future, but it’s easier said than done. Thankfully I have a long weekend planned, and I will be spending it in a cabin with some old friends at a beautiful state park that I have never been to. There will be hiking, photos, adventures, relaxation, and lots of laughs. Much needed! But until then…I’m going to be in the fetal position saying the serenity prayer.

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10 thoughts on “367 Days

  1. Sometimes it’s not about being strong, but about surrender and acceptance. Sort of counter-intuitive, but that is what got me throught what you are going through.

    Enjoy the long weekend 🙂

  2. 367…a year and 2 days??? Outstanding! Sometimes the best I can do is breathe. And that’s ok. The long weekend should ease some stress. Enjoy yourself and the company of friends!

  3. I think you are incredibly brave and strong, I can see such growth in your journey and wish you could be given a soft landing. It seems that you have come so far and no matter the outcome, I am sure whatever way it falls, you will be able to grow and learn from it as well. Even if it is scary and hard, you have already shown you can handle what ever comes your way with grace and the willingness to grow.

  4. Just want to say thanks. Your sobriety gives to others too. For me, it offers hope. As a mom watching her beautiful, nearly 23 year old daughter spiral down into the bottom of the bottle, I read posts and stories like yours and am lifted with hope. Your family is lucky to have such a beautiful soul in their midst, and I bet they always knew it, but maybe you never believed it. Glad you do now. Thank you for publically sharing your life and touching me with hope this morning.

    • Thank you for your kind and touching words – I was out of town over the weekend and I just saw this last night and was in tears. Comments like yours inspire me to keep going, and to keep filling others with hope. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to see your daughter in that downward spiral. My hope is to one day help other women in my current position. Sending you all the best wishes that she can overcome this, and that you may be able to stay strong.

  5. Not that I’m dealing with anything like the amount of stress you are, but I have found in sobriety that there are many, many times I just need to be metaphorically-fetal. Early bed and weepy movies and chocolate and all the things I used to dismiss as girly cliches. Because it’s fine to feel scared and sad, and it’s important to actually feel it rather than drowning it. You’re doing amazingly.

    • Thanks, again! And yes, we totally need to be metaphorically-fetal. Having all these feelings that I numbed down for years is scary and overwhelming at times, but I am so much stronger and healthier for feeling them. I used to never cry, and now I cry all the damn time! It’s almost kind of funny…;)

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