390 Days

 

I’m getting a bit freaked out here. I need to come up with a statement to address to the court, along with a statement to my victim. I’ve not met her, only her husband. I think about her every day, and yet, I don’t even have a face to place to Her Name. The fact that she will be in attendance at my sentencing (most likely) has thrown me into a bit of a tailspin. I’m worried that I will not be able to speak, that I will be only a shaking, sobbing mess.

A few moments ago, I finished my resignation letter to my boss. Surreal day here. I came in late, because I had one last session with my counselor this morning. I MADE MY COUNSELOR CRY. Not once, but several times. Is this real life?

Adding to the surrealness (not a word, I know) is that at this moment, people from across the globe are coming to my city, to the university where I work (for three more hours anyway), to gather and celebrate the founding of Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s all right here, right in front of my face, they are on campus with me right now, and I will be missing out. That kind of kills me. I’ve got so much to do right now and so many obligations this weekend that I will miss this annual gathering. Crazy, right?

OH. And the whole world (well, some folks) are shitting themselves over season two of Orange is the New Black premiering on Netflix today. I finally got sucked into the show around Christmas, when my legal crap became a bit more…real. And yeah, I’m dying to see what happens since there was a cliffhanger (what happens to Pennsatucky? will I have my own Pennsatucky to deal with?), but I’m not going to tune in this weekend. Too much to do, too many people to see, hits too close to home. I’m already feeling paranoid about my first naked squat and cough on Monday.

For those of whom that would like to send me a card or a letter while I am away, a separate email account has been created. It is:

keepkcsane@gmail.com

From that account you can get my address in jail. Woohoo! And an FYI…that account will not be checked everyday. I have a feeling it will be overwhelming for D. who is in charge of it. So please…be patient if you do send an email to that account!

For those of you who are feeling generous, you can throw me a fiver with that email address (or whatever amount you choose) through Paypal. It will be taken out of my account and used toward my commissary funds. You know, exciting stuff: notebooks, stamps, tampons. Joy! And believe me how terrible I feel to ask people to help supply me with commissary funds or money in general. My friends tell me to shut the hell up when I bring that up. I’m terrified about my financial situation if I am in jail for six months especially since my job will be gone.

One day at a time, right?

And just a quick note to let you all know how much your amazing/sweet/supportive comments make my day(s). I really cannot thank you all enough.

 

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11 thoughts on “390 Days

  1. My words to the court was about a page typed. I was a bit nervous, as there were other people for other trials in the court, but I spoke to the judge directly, and kept my eyes focused on her. Don’t fuss about and look around. Just focus on the judge. Take your time reading it. there is no rush. Most of the other trials I saw during the 2 1/2 years, no one else spoke when given the chace. Take the chance – i am sure that your lawyer has told you what to focus on in terms of content.

    When does this happen again?

    Hugs and blessings,
    Paul

  2. Sending best regards. I admire your strength and courage. I’m a lawyer and although I don’t practice criminal law, I totally agree with what carrythemessage said about your statement. Be contrite, apologize (directly to the victim, if she’s there, and to the court for having to use resources for this case), accept responsibility, explain what you’ve done since the accident to ensure it will never happen again, and ask the court to be fair but lenient. If community service is an option in lieu of jail, offer to do so willingly. It’s important to ask the court for what you want. To the extent possible, try not to read your statement but speak from memory and from your heart. Trust me, the court doesn’t see too many people like you. Pulling for you!

  3. First time leaving a comment. I’ve been following your blog and my heart truly goes out to you! Surreal is such an apt word for what you are going through. I haven’t experienced what you’re dealing with, but I can tell you how strong you are. Life throws us some amazing curve balls, and I am hoping and praying that in this case your curve ball will be the amazing gift of community service, and not jail. I’m also hoping that the victim will ask for leniency on your behalf. If you do get a chance to speak to her, I know this will be healing for both of you. If you don’t, perhaps a letter is in order. I guess the other word that comes to mind here is forgiveness, for yourself, for the accident, for the past. You’ve worked hard to get to this place, and whichever direction it goes, you will get some much needed closure. The waiting game is so hard! In closing, it seems you have some amazing guardian angels, and therefore be assured that no matter what happens, you will be okay!!! I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you. – Hana

  4. Hi there Kristina, I’m finding it hard to put into words what I want to say… what is going on in your life is so far from my own life experience, and guess until last year from yours too. My own problems and worries feel very as I read your story. Hana puts it very well – my heart goes out to you too… I’m not religious and so don’t pray, but I will be thinking of you on Monday, and hope with all my heart that things go well for you. Your courage shines through each and every word on your blog. Peace. Hugs. xxx

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