198! That feels pretty damn awesome. And I am feeling good with my sobriety (though that voice in my head still acts up…like it did at a concert two weeks ago – but I drank Cokes instead of pints and still had a great time). My IOP has changed me in so many ways, and my counselor has been incredibly helpful. I have learned more from her since mid-October than I have from any of the myriad of counselors I’ve seen since college. My last day is Monday, and that does make me a little nervous, though I am stoked to have time for myself again. I’ve been so busy with IOP and work and AA meetings on my days off that I haven’t even had time to exercise or cook. The past month and a half have been a giant blur, but I currently feel much more confident in myself and my sobriety.
As of Friday I officially have a sponsor, and I do believe that I’ve found my AA home group. Last weekend I had a moment of, “Oh my god, I am 33 and in AA. How the fuck did that happen?” But it’s better than being 40 and dead, or not making it to 40 at all. I’m going to keep this post short and sweet though, as I want to talk about the holidays in a day or so. Until then…
I will probably continue to be quiet until I finish my IOP program. My schedule has really been wearing me out, but overall I am feeling pretty good. I still have my moments though (had an issue with a coworker that was really invasive and snarky – of course after learning about all that, I wanted to drink. drink drink drink! ignore the unpleasant feelings!). I also think I may have a sponsor, which is required of me by the time I finish my program. So hopefully all goes well with that. Tuesday is a big milestone: 6 months! Hard to believe. It’s been a long road, but it’s good to feel better and have these little highlights along the way.
Until next time, stay strong all!
Last week kicked my butt! My IOP is for three hours first thing in the morning from Mon-Thurs. When I’m done with group, I go to work until 9. I’m out the house for around 13 hours a day, and those first three hours are rough emotionally. By the time Thursday evening rolled around, I was ready to collapse. Friday morning I was admitted to a local hospital for a minor surgical procedure that I had scheduled a couple months before. The rest of my weekend was pretty uneventful: lots of rest, reading and icing my surgery site. Due to my recovery, I didn’t get to any AA meetings over the weekend. My counselor was aware of this ahead of time, and I will resume meetings this weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun).
My first day of IOP was rough, as it is for everyone. I detest being the newbie, and of course my awkward shy side came out in full force. By the next session on Monday, I felt much more at ease. I chuckled as one of my classmates told me he was “happy to have another alcoholic here”. Most of my group are addicts or addict/alcoholics. Who knew us alchies would be outnumbered? Later in the week on his graduation day, this same guy told me in front of the class that I was an inspiration for bouncing back from this horrific wreck, and having almost six months of sobriety under my belt (most of which has been all on my own). I was floored. Just a really great feeling. Never in a million years would I have believed that someone would call me an inspiration after all of this.
And so begins another week. I’m hoping to start sharing some of my drinking horror stories here, as I feel it’s important to remember why I’m here and why I’m doing all of this. Also, if it makes someone else feel better (as in, hey! I’ve been there too!) then great. Oh, and a quick word to all of you who have reached out to me since I’ve started blogging here a couple weeks ago. Thank you! It’s great to have such a large support system, online, in class, and at meetings. It really means a lot to me, and I hope you all have a great week.